


two sides of the same bicentennial quarter

by Pearly_Pornography



Series: Sad-urday [8]
Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Self-Harm, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-09
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-09-06 23:22:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8773528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearly_Pornography/pseuds/Pearly_Pornography
Summary: Memories from before and after Doomstar.





	

(Because Toki was a bad person. That had to have been why it happened.)

(He must have done something awful to end up like this. On the ground, being looked down upon. Starving, barely surviving on the meat of insects and a dry, dry mouth. Occasionally drinking his own urine out of desperation. With hardly any companionship. It was only Abigail, and that man.)

-

He knocked hard on Murderface's door. Distantly, he heard the sound of a creaking bed and a grunt as he was then answered.

"Toki, the fuck are you doin' in here?"

"I hads a nightmares."

"Wasch Schkwischgaar buschy?"

"Very. More womens than the waitings rooms of a Planned Parenthoods in there."

"...What wasch the nightmare about." He opened the door more than just a crack for once, only in his boxer shorts with a sour look on his face. Toki whined a little, clutching his Deddy Bear in his arms and staring at the floor.

"Another one abouts Magnus."

Murderface's expression immediately softened, though by very little. Toki was smart enough to see it. 

"...Fine, fine."

-

(Before the beginnings of Dethklok, he had needed somewhere to stay. And Hammersmith made that offer.)

(He was afraid of that man. And soon enough, his fears became correct, or at least, Pickles said so. He was a sleaze, a freak. He tormented a young William, already plunged headfirst into a hell of trauma since the day he was born. 'But this too', he said, 'will pass'.)

-

He sunk deep into the mattress, feeling Toki's weight beside him as he did. The kid would be out hours before him in the morning. The Scandinavians always seemed to wake up early, unless Skwisgaar suffered another awful hangover and snoozed into the afternoon.

He grumbled as Toki drove his face into his back, muttering at him.

"Toki, that'sch gay."

"No homos."

Murderface grunted, deciding not to argue any further. (If he says no homo, it isn't gay.)

"You knows, Moidaface..."

"What."

"Everyones else says you's a real bad guy, but I don't thinks so. Evens yous says so, but you's wrongs."

"Yeah, whatever." He shoved his face further into the pillows. "You're just tired, go the fuck to schleep."

"Alright!"

-

(He'd never seen such a group of people. Not ones that took him seriously. "Welcome to Dethklok", said Charles, with open arms.)

(He thought about those times while trapped. When the masked man would kick him in the sides, and when that other one, Magnus, would kick him in the front and back. He would shut down, and he would remember the past. Where he was important.)

-

He could tell that Murderface had fallen out cold, perhaps due to alcohol. But he held tight and he held fast, as though they might drift apart during the night. After being trapped in a basement for months, one becomes afraid of strange things.

He could feel the scars on the bassist's arms, running up his wrists to his shoulders. They almost reminded Toki of his own whip-scars on his arms and back, though they had become faint from years of settling. (Half of Murderface's marks qualified less as scars and more as scabs, they were so fresh.) It was both comforting and disturbing, knowing other people had to suffer similar bullshit that he dealt with in his own life.

A sigh fell from his lips.

He grabbed onto Murderface's big, calloused hands, holding them in his own. They were rough and worn down from years of bass-playing and, presumably, jacking off violently. 

But they were also warm.

-

(He'd been in love before, but this time he'd keep it bottled up inside him.)

(The first time it ended with slurs. With a few minutes in the church confessional, his face in his hands, shamefully admitting, "I kissed another boy last night". The downward looks, the slurs, the curses cast towards him before he even turned 13. He became a pariah.)

(The second was with _you-know-who_ , and he regretted every minute he handed himself to that piece of shit. He never, ever wanted to experience such a feeling of manipulation again for the rest of his life, and even afterwards.)

(So when Nathan walked in with his gruff voice, he kept that to himself. And when Skwisgaar showed up with his long, flowing hair and perfect figure, he kept his mouth shut.)

(Most of all, when Toki Wartooth walked into his life, treating him like a human being, he wouldn't say a word.)

(After all, he wasn't gay.)

-

He woke up at 4 AM when it was still dark out, his whole body still feeling heavy. (Christ, how high did he get last night? How DRUNK did he get last night?)

Around his waist was a set of arms, and he cried.


End file.
